Different Strokes
There's no fail-safe answer when it comes to caring for aging parents at home
Image courtesy istockphoto
Children - as a general rule - tend to develop in a similar series of stages, but conversely, older folks go downhill in any number of ways. Once it becomes evident that an elderly relative or friend needs more help, caregivers need to take time to understand all their medical needs.
First, consider every option. In many cases the need to reassess independent-living arrangements begins with an emergency, and the patient moves into a child's home, which isn't always the best place.
"Every family is different, and there's no one answer," says Elinor Ginzler, AARP's director of livable communities and author, with Hugh Delehanty, of "Caring for Your Parents: The Complete Family Guide" (Sterling, 2008).
"Your house is not automatically the right option."Ginzler, herself, faced just this situation when her own father needed extra care. Moving her dad into her own household turned out not to be the best plan for her father. "The solution in my situation was that my dad stayed in his house," she says. "This was actually much less convenient for me."
Mary Waggoner, a Washington State resident, took a hybrid approach - her parents, aged 83 and 84, live in a nearby nursing facility during the week, but spend their weekends in Waggoner's home. But even two days per week necessitated changes to her home - she recently won the AARP's "Recession Remodel" competition, enabling her wheelchair-bound mother and walker-using father to better access her bathroom.
Such alterations often are made before a parent moves into an adult child's home, in an effort to make everything just right for an elder experiencing a great change. Though understandable, this approach is a mistake, according to Jon Pynoos, gerontology professor at the Andrus Gerontology Center of the University of Southern California and co-director of the Fall Prevention Center of Excellence.
"The most important thing is to tailor those things to both the house and the person who will use them," he says. "It's best to do them when the person is there - you can end up with a better solution than [with] guessing."
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