Redress Stress
It visits everyone from time to time. Learn how to make friends with this foe
Stress, in general, has gotten a bum rap. But all stress is not created equal, and how people respond to it can mitigate its effects. Even better, it can even be used to your advantage, as the nudge needed to make the changes necessary to become healthier and happier.
"There's good stress, and there's bad stress," says Allen Elkin, Ph.D., founder of the Stress Management and Counseling Center in New York and author of "Stress Management for Dummies" (For Dummies/Wiley, September 1999). "Good stress can act in a number of ways to promote functioning. Some stress becomes a motivator, it becomes a focuser, it awakens you in a way that makes performance results better."
Hans Selye, a pioneer in the study of stress, likened stress to "the tension of strings on a violin. No tension, no music. Too much tension, the strings break," says Elkin. "The key is finding the right amount of stress or the right tension in life that works."
Of course, some stressors are bigger than others. The loss of a loved one or the loss of a job affect us greatly. But many of the stresses that we perceive as great are really somewhat small. As pat as it may seem, the most effective way to manage many stressors is to simply change the way we look at them. "Often the big gun is just changing attitude. 'Will I remember this in three years? Three months? Three weeks?' Perspective is great," Elkin says.
In need of a nudge? Use your stress to ...
... get moving.
Stress produces adrenaline. Use it. You may feel too overwhelmed to lace up, but if you get moving, you'll feel better. Leave your concerns at the door when you walk into the gym and focus on your workout. Alternatively, head outside for a walk. Zip along at a quick clip to burn off energy or slow to a stroll and brainstorm ways to address the challenges you face. And remember to focus on your breathing.
... sit still.
Meditation is an excellent way to manage stress, but it takes practice. Find a quiet place, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and try to clear your mind. If that's tricky, focus on an image or scene. "It's hard to think of nothing," says Elkin. "Thinking of nothing is a vacuum, it invites everything else in. It's like 'Don't think of pink elephants.' It just invites that. So try to replace it with a positive image." Meditation may feel pointless the first few times you try it, but persist. If the notion of finding enough time or a quiet place seems impossible, start small. You don't have to carve out a block of time every day. Find moments. Get up a few minutes earlier than usual and enjoy the stillness of your home. Take five minutes in the car when you arrive home to center yourself before you walk in the door.
... get things done.
Make a to-do list. Stress saps our ability to remember details. A list allows you to keep tabs on what you have to do but also enables you to cross items off as you go. The ability to see yourself making progress provides a sense of relief. Also, create a tiered list of larger projects along with the detailed steps required to get them done. Listing a large project may create stress by virtue of feeling too big to tackle, but when it's broken down into its components, it's much easier to manage. Confucius said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take one step. Complete one task. Then complete another. Do what can be reasonably done. Accomplishments build on each other, fueling your can-do attitude and alleviating anxiety about how much you need to get done.
... clear away clutter.
Disorganization creates its own stresses. When you're running late for work and you can't find your keys, you day takes a turn for the worse. Eliminate opportunities for stress to arise in everyday tasks. (Getting dressed in the morning should not be stressful.) Use the energy created by stress, for example, to sort out your closet. Donate items you no longer wear, create a pile to take to the tailor, make note of what you need, put what's left back into the closet, organizing as you go.
... define goals.
This plays into the to-do list notion, but on a more macro scale. To-dos are more day to day; goals are big picture. Then again, feeling stuck or not being able to define a goal provides another source of stress. Find clues in what you do when you don't have to do anything or think about what you would do if you had time to do nothing. Likewise, if you feel as though you're constantly running up against brick walls - frustration is a form of stress - take that as a sign to re-evaluate.
... embrace the negative.
Of course, to-do lists never end. But if yours is too long, perhaps the time has come to relearn the word we all loved as kids: "No." Some live their lives at what feels like a time-lapse pace, but no one can continue that pace indefinitely. Yes, there will be hectic periods, but if life has become consistently crazed, the time has come to re-examine your goings on. Overdrive should be the exception, not the rule. There are only so many hours in a day. You have to prioritize your life. Reclaiming your time requires learning to say "no" nicely.
... be more assertive.
Use smaller accomplishments to build your confidence toward addressing larger interpersonal issues you've left untended for too long. Relationships change, and some fade. Find the wherewithal to assert yourself in lopsided relationships. The other party may have no idea that an issue exists. Or it may be necessary to end relationships that have run their course but still linger.
... drop it.
Sometimes, the best tack is just to let go. Think of someone who can't swim. The inclination is to panic. But the solution is to relax and float. When we're stressed, we lock ourselves into a loop of creating more stress. "Panic just creates more evidence to prove that the panic is valid and justified," says Julia Rogers Hamrick, author of "Choosing Easy World" (St. Martin's Press, 2010). "But when you stop and get yourself to relax, even for 30 seconds, even for a split second, and then you choose it for another split second, you go into appreciation."
"Find something to be grateful for, because gratitude puts you at the vibrational level of things to be grateful for. When you're being grateful, you're attracting more things on the level of which you'd be grateful for. So, it's like using your stress to your advantage: Use the fear and use the panic to remind yourself to switch your modes, to raise your vibration, to go into a state where you are able to attract that which you want and need."
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