A Real Goal-Getter
Women so easily overextend themselves that they often neglect their physical and emotional health. Here's how to fix the nine biggest mistakes you're making every day
It's the most common thing you hear today: "I just don't have time." There aren't enough hours in a woman's life to exercise, sleep, spend time with friends ... the list goes on. Various experts boiled it down to one common theme: Women don't make enough time for themselves, more often assuming the caretaker role in order to handle, well, everything. However, in order to manage it all, women need to be healthy because being the best parent, wife, friend, daughter and sister hinges on your own well being.
Mistake #1: Losing Sight of Yourself
It can often feel wrong to focus on the self when there are so many depending on you, but it's a concept that Janice E. Brown, Cape May, N.J., a certified life and dream coach, is researching for her book, "Healthy Selfishness." "Taking care of one's self in a healthy way is a critical thing for women," she says
Brown recommends setting aside 15 minutes a day or 20 minutes a week to do something small "just for me." Kathleen Brehony, Ph.D. and author of "Living a Connected Life: Creating and Maintaining Relationships That Last" (Holt Paperbacks, 2003), says it isn't that we don't have enough time, but that we don't make the time for the things that are important to us. "Sit down and actually write what your priorities are," she says. "Learn how to say no in a nice way." If that's too big a step to take right now, start training your brain to make your instant response "let me think about it" instead of "sure."
Mistake #2: Not Working Out
The first thing to fall off the schedule? The workout. Fitness and wellness consultant, Christine Kwok, Los Angeles, says to make a date with yourself once or twice a week and slowly build up to making it a routine. "Block off your time," she says. She suggests packing a pair of sneakers and a simple set of workout clothes to take with you to work. "Go for a walk around the block or around your building, or walk sets of stairs in your building," Kwok says. "Start with maybe 20 minutes before you get in your car and you'll probably avoid some of the traffic anyway."
For the all or nothing crowd who need to do it every day to make it work, block the time in your Blackberry and reframe your thinking. If missing a workout is going to knock you off the horse, then consider it a "must do, can't miss" in your day. Find a workout partner to help hold you accountable.
Mistake #3: Neglecting Your Bones
When asked about women's nutrition, Jordan B. Davidson, a registered dietician with the Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center, Baltimore, couldn't overstate the importance of calcium and vitamin D. Protecting your bones is a lifelong commitment, according to Davidson and while he stresses that it's never too late to work on it, the earlier you start, the better off you'll be.
According to the American Dietetic Association (ADA), Chicago, the daily requirement for calcium for a woman ages 19-50 is 1,000 milligrams per day. For women 50 and older, it's 1,200 mg per day. Vitamin D requirements vary a little more. Women ages 19-50 should be getting 200 IU (international units) daily; those 51-70 should get 400 IU and those 71 and older should get 600 IU.
There are food sources for both calcium and vitamin D including milk, yogurt, cheese and salmon, so add those items to your grocery list before you buy. If you're worried you're not getting enough in your diet, see a registered dietician for help. Also, many insurance providers offer a free on-call nurse to answer subscribers' health-related questions.
Mistake #4: Clutter, Clutter Everywhere
You've been putting off cleaning out that closet since you moved in. Jan Wencel, Naperville, Ill., a productivity and training consultant, recommends setting a time and a task and leaving it at that. Set a timer for 20 minutes and focus on the task at hand for those 20 minutes and then be done for that day, or even the week. "Much like you would plan a project in your work life, you can plan your de-cluttering project the same way," she says. She suggests mapping it out, whether it's taking three weekends to sort the closet or spending a day or even two sorting the garage. And stick to it. Wencel advises not going over the 20-minute limit you set nor setting another chunk of time aside that isn't in your plan to avoid burnout and, ultimately, not finishing the job.
Mistake #5: Ignoring the Finances
It's easy to ignore the finances if there's someone else in the household who looks after them, but it's a wise move for women to get involved in their financial future. "What I say to women is you need to ask yourself the question, 'Am I capable, prepared and knowledgeable enough to take over at any given time?' If not, get your act together," says Marcia Brixey, author of "The Money Therapist: A Woman's Guide to Creating a Healthy Life" (Seal Press, 2008). Brixey advises having monthly conversations with your spouse or partner about the bills, the current financial situation and making sure you know where the records are kept. Take a vested interest in the family's finances.
If you're already in charge of finances, Brixey stresses that you track your spending and make sure you're investing your money (even in today's market, she says), especially at a young age. But, she says, it's never too late. Regardless of your personal situation, when it comes to finances think long-term. Schedule a free consultation with a financial planner to help you make and meet your goals.
Mistake #6: Not Maintaining Friendships
Having friends isn't just a luxury, it's a lifeline, Brehony says. "What we know about friendships is it's as essential to a well-lived life as anything related to health," she says and cites that studies have shown you live longer, healthier and happier as a result. In this digital age, it's easier than ever to keep in touch, even if it's just an e-mail to let a friend know you're thinking of her. Friends understand when life gets busy but if friendships are a priority to you, treat them that way and make time for lunches, walks or coffee talks. After all, as Brehony says, "Everybody needs the kind of friends you can call at 3 a.m."
Mistake #7: Doctor Denial
The visits to the doctor and dentist can easily fall off the radar but keeping up with annual health exams is vital to making sure you're around to do all the things you want. Dr. Deborah Lindner, an OB/GYN with The Women's Group of Northwestern, Evanston, Ill., says that younger women should be aware that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends women over 30 have an HPV test along with an annual pap smear because it is possible to have a normal pap test and still have HPV - and thus an abnormality higher up in the cervix.
Additionally, Dr. Lindner is a big advocate of genetic testing if there's a family history of cancer, especially colon, endometrial, breast, ovarian or uterine. Educate yourself about your genetic risk factors and investigate with your doctor your options in genetic testing.
Mistake #8: Not Enough Thanks
Carving out time for you also means spending a little of that time properly thanking people for their kind gifts, gestures and acts. Lizzie Post, author and spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, Vermont, says that an e-mail does not take the place of a thank-you note. "It's a place holder for a thank-you note until you have time to write one," she says. "E-mail is impersonal. A note is appreciative and thoughtful and shows you took the time." And stay away from the pre-printed card you think save time, advises Post. That isn't more personal just because it's card stock.
Mistake #9: Putting It All Off
It makes sense to save procrastination for last. None of the above will matter if you put it all off continuously and procrastinate on taking control of your life. Brown suggests that in the quest to reclaim yourself and your goals you accept your self and be honest and realistic about your strengths, limitations and obstacles - and to treat yourself "like you would your best friend." She also advises that you find an "accountability partner," someone who will not guilt you into following through but who will cheer you on and encourage you.
Procrastination is an easy habit to get into and a hard one to break. Melissa O'Brien, certified life coach and owner of The Life Refinery, Bakersfield, Calif., says that often it's fear - fear of failure and even fear to succeed and what that will bring. She suggests breaking off whatever it is into chunks, as suggested above. Another useful tip is to, "Visualize how you'll feel when you finish," O'Brien says. The way to break the cycle, she notes, is to bring attention to it. If you see you're putting something off, stop and do it at that moment.
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