The Proper Way to Say Thanks
Gratitude etiquette for all your big-day gifts
Image courtesy iStockPhoto
As much as you love opening wedding gifts, that's how much you dread writing the thank-you notes. But it's a necessary evil, and its only fair that you put as much thought into the thank-you note as the guest put into picking out the gift. With all the other stresses of a wedding, thank-you notes aren't necessarily high on your list of things to do.
However, there are some cardinal rules that every couple must abide by, so as not to offend your guests.
According to "Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette" (Collins, 2006), all thank-you notes must be competed three months after the wedding at the latest. Ann Nola, founder and director of the Association of Certified Professional Wedding Consultants, agrees with this general rule of thumb. "I would say you shouldn't send them any later than three months after the wedding. Some people say it's OK to wait a year, but I don't agree," she says.
Especially for people with larger weddings, and thus more gifts, the best way to manage the gifts is to stay organized. Keep track of people who came to the wedding, and make sure to write down what each guest gave as a gift, says Nola.
Another great way to manage the thank-yous is to write the notes right after receiving the gift, especially if you receive it before the actual wedding day. "Send out as many thank-you notes as possible before the wedding," says Tracy Marini, owner of Eventfully Yours in Orlando, Fla. "You're going to have to write them eventually, so you might as well lighten the load for after the wedding."
Additionally, it is proper for each person who sends you a thank-you note to receive a personalized note. Though some people, such as the bridal party, parents or special guests deserve special mention, each thank you note should be handwritten and personalized. "I don't believe in the generic notes at all. Just to send a note that says thank you is not personalized sufficiently," says Nola. "If you're going to use a generic note, you should write a personalized note as well and include it in the thank you note."
Traditionally, thank-you cards have been the responsibility of the woman. However, there is no reason that this rule should hold true, says Marini. "I think it's fair to split it. It's not just about the woman and a lot of the times I know it becomes the woman's responsibility," she says. "There is no reason why your new husband can't send the notes to his family or friends. It should be a shared responsibility so the burden is not so heavily on her."
Some also wonder what the protocol is for people who give money as a gift. Marini and Nola agree that saying the exact amount is not necessary, but mentioning what you are planning on putting the money towards is a nice touch. "Make them feel like they've contributed towards you buying something," says Marini. "That way they know that their money is not just going to pay the debt of the wedding."
The bottom line: Guests spend a lot of time thinking about a gift to get the bride and groom that they think they will enjoy. They want acknowledgement of that effort. "People just want something in the mail to know that you got their gift. They took the time to get a gift so they appreciate a thank you," says Marini.
 |
