Surprise, Surprise - We're Engaged!
On TV or all alone, a great proposal is little bit planning, a little bit didn't-see-it-coming
Happily ever after: 'I Propose' couple Kristian and Heather bask in their newly engaged bliss. Image courtesy The Style Network
For grooms preparing to pop the question, keeping it hush-hush is hard enough. Planning the one-knee drop with a TV camera in tow, well, that's nearly impossible. But that's what grooms are doing on "I Propose," the Style Network program that chronicles the voyage to engagement.
What makes a good proposal - on camera or not - is a good mix of planning and spontaneity, says Elaine Brooks, a Style Network exec.
"I think a little bit of planning goes a long way," she says. "It's a moment that women dream about for their whole lives. It's a story you'll be telling forever to your family, to your friends, to your children and to each other."
A proposal is more than orchestrating an elaborate surprise, says "The Diamond Guy" Fred Cuellar, author of "The World's Greatest Proposals," (Casablanca Press, 2000). The fiancé-to-be has to be able to see past the spectacle aspect.
"[The planning] all becomes irrelevant if there isn't the 'why' that connects here," he says. "The 'what' can be a hot-air balloon. But is that what she wants? And if there's not a quick answer to it, maybe you've got the wrong proposal."
And confusing spectacle with the natural suspense of proposing can completely negate the original intention, says Janis Turk, co-author of "The Groom-to-Be's Handbook," (Skyhorse Publishing, 2007).
"Thinking about what someone might like is different than making a spectacle," she says. "I'm suspicious of spectacle, too, because if it's only about that moment and the event, how much is it about forever?"
After working with the "I Propose" fiancés-to-be, Brooks says the real surprise comes upon hearing a future spouse attest to his true feelings.
"There's nothing more touching than seeing the man you love lose it because of his feelings for you," she says.
Even when a proposal didn't turn out as expected and there was a surprise element for both people, she says, the fumbling was "part of the charm of it."
"The guys didn't always have every little thing worked out," she says. "It's that old adage, 'Don't ever let 'em see you sweat.' And just know that if they do see you sweat, they'll think it's cute anyway."
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